Sukhwindar
Dr APJ Abdul Kalam, Former President of India:
YOU say that our Government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke. The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say that the System is corrupt. In such a dealing, Someone Gives, the Other Takes, both are to equally blame.
YOU say, say and say.
What is Your Role? And what do YOU do about it?
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Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Towards Better Living: Resolve 2010
How to Stay Positive, Youthful & Happy?
• Throw out non-essentials. This includes anything that is not essential for You to live life well.
• Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
• Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
• Enjoy the simple things.
• Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
• The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
• Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
• Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
• Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. What are guilt trips? Guilt trips are about violating boundaries. It is a way of manipulating people to get a desired outcome through indirect and passive-aggressive tactics.
• Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
And Remember
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Your Well Wisher
• Throw out non-essentials. This includes anything that is not essential for You to live life well.
• Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
• Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
• Enjoy the simple things.
• Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
• The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
• Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
• Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
• Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. What are guilt trips? Guilt trips are about violating boundaries. It is a way of manipulating people to get a desired outcome through indirect and passive-aggressive tactics.
• Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
And Remember
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Your Well Wisher
Leadership: 'Inter-Personal Relations' and 'Guilt Trips' by Us
(This Researched Posting has been Inspired by the RWA 33 GBM on 20 Dec 2009 where Inter-Personal Relations of the MC were discussed/focused. Set Your Boundaries diligently dictated by Your Value System and operate within it to avoid 'guilt trips').
This is one trip you may not want to take.
What is guilt? Guilt is your feeling about your personal failure to live up to your standard of behavior.
There are times when we should feel guilty. On those occasions when we are blind to our own moral lapses, a spouse, a relative or a good friend may gently help us see our inconsistency between what we say we believe and how we act. Occasionally, a counselor may also assume this role.
What are guilt trips? Guilt trips are about violating boundaries. Guilt trips are about control. It is a way of manipulating people to get a desired outcome through indirect and passive-aggressive tactics.
Inflicting guilt is used more frequently in families and small communities and organizations where direct conflict or confrontation might upset ties and working relationships. Using guilt unabashedly to control others gets passed on in families as surely as genes. Some families do it, some don't. Families that use guilt may not even be aware of how often they use it or how wrong it really is.
Expecting people to give up a control tactics they've used "effectively" over a lifetime with each other may not be realistic. Usually we don't need much help from others to know when we've failed to live up to our own code of moral conduct.
Setting Boundaries: To deal with another’s agenda for our behavior, we need to be clear about who we are, what we want and what we are willing to do. If we understand and are secure about ourselves, we become less vulnerable to inappropriate or blatant attempts to control our behavior. Setting boundaries is about being clear on personal and family goals, priorities and responsibilities.
It is about saying "NO" when it is necessary. It is about communicating limits and taking control when others may want to control you. It is about agreeing to disagree.
Taking charge. Here are some tips on what to do when someone is trying to inflict guilt.
- Mirror back to them the essence of what they are saying. "Are you telling me that if I don’t come and see you everyday, I am not being a good daughter?" Confront them with their own words. "I have the feeling that you are upset because . . . Is that right?"
-State your position on the subject and recognize that they have a right to their opinion. "I understand that you feel differently, but let me explain why we chose to do thus and so."
- Find out what they want. Tell them a range of options you are willing to do and see which one they favor. Be clear about what you are not willing to do. State your conditions and see if they are willing to meet them or make counter-proposals.
- Don't let them suck you into their plans. Make plans and be clear about them. Discuss with them how their plans and yours might match up. Negotiate from a position of strength. If they catch you off guard, tell them you need time to think about it and when you will get back to them.
- Recognize that every relationship has Give and Take to it. Do your part. It is when the relationship becomes unbalanced that you have to draw the line.
- Have thick skin. So what if they inflict a lot of guilt. That is their way. You don't have to take it personally. So what if they are disappointed or angry with you. That is their problem. Be loving and matter-of-fact with them. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope it won't be a big problem between us."
- Don’t be afraid to say no and explain your reasons why. You owe them an explanation. That’s all. Listen to their attempts at persuasion. If they persist, be a broken record. State your own reasons over and over again if they keep coming back to the same point. "Like I said before, Bob and I decided that this year we would ..."
- Get the issue defined clearly and on the table rather than let innuendo or snide remarks pass. "What did you mean by that?" or, "Are you saying that I am not being responsible when?"
- If they have a valid point, acknowledge it, apologize and make amends if possible. Addressing your own faults openly will make it easier to draw the line when it is their perception or interpretation that seems to be the problem.
It may be a painful process, but being clear about boundaries helps create healthy and respectful relationships. Other people's feelings count. But they don't have the right to control you with those feelings. As long as you are in control, it is their problem, not yours. Even if the other party doesn't change, at least you'll be more at peace - and more in control.
If you take guilt trips, you are choosing to go along for the ride.
Sukhwindar
Credit: Dr. Val Farmer, a practicing psychologist. His Practice, known as the Psychological Associates of the Black Hills, is located in Rapid City, South Dakota.
This is one trip you may not want to take.
What is guilt? Guilt is your feeling about your personal failure to live up to your standard of behavior.
There are times when we should feel guilty. On those occasions when we are blind to our own moral lapses, a spouse, a relative or a good friend may gently help us see our inconsistency between what we say we believe and how we act. Occasionally, a counselor may also assume this role.
What are guilt trips? Guilt trips are about violating boundaries. Guilt trips are about control. It is a way of manipulating people to get a desired outcome through indirect and passive-aggressive tactics.
Inflicting guilt is used more frequently in families and small communities and organizations where direct conflict or confrontation might upset ties and working relationships. Using guilt unabashedly to control others gets passed on in families as surely as genes. Some families do it, some don't. Families that use guilt may not even be aware of how often they use it or how wrong it really is.
Expecting people to give up a control tactics they've used "effectively" over a lifetime with each other may not be realistic. Usually we don't need much help from others to know when we've failed to live up to our own code of moral conduct.
Setting Boundaries: To deal with another’s agenda for our behavior, we need to be clear about who we are, what we want and what we are willing to do. If we understand and are secure about ourselves, we become less vulnerable to inappropriate or blatant attempts to control our behavior. Setting boundaries is about being clear on personal and family goals, priorities and responsibilities.
It is about saying "NO" when it is necessary. It is about communicating limits and taking control when others may want to control you. It is about agreeing to disagree.
Taking charge. Here are some tips on what to do when someone is trying to inflict guilt.
- Mirror back to them the essence of what they are saying. "Are you telling me that if I don’t come and see you everyday, I am not being a good daughter?" Confront them with their own words. "I have the feeling that you are upset because . . . Is that right?"
-State your position on the subject and recognize that they have a right to their opinion. "I understand that you feel differently, but let me explain why we chose to do thus and so."
- Find out what they want. Tell them a range of options you are willing to do and see which one they favor. Be clear about what you are not willing to do. State your conditions and see if they are willing to meet them or make counter-proposals.
- Don't let them suck you into their plans. Make plans and be clear about them. Discuss with them how their plans and yours might match up. Negotiate from a position of strength. If they catch you off guard, tell them you need time to think about it and when you will get back to them.
- Recognize that every relationship has Give and Take to it. Do your part. It is when the relationship becomes unbalanced that you have to draw the line.
- Have thick skin. So what if they inflict a lot of guilt. That is their way. You don't have to take it personally. So what if they are disappointed or angry with you. That is their problem. Be loving and matter-of-fact with them. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope it won't be a big problem between us."
- Don’t be afraid to say no and explain your reasons why. You owe them an explanation. That’s all. Listen to their attempts at persuasion. If they persist, be a broken record. State your own reasons over and over again if they keep coming back to the same point. "Like I said before, Bob and I decided that this year we would ..."
- Get the issue defined clearly and on the table rather than let innuendo or snide remarks pass. "What did you mean by that?" or, "Are you saying that I am not being responsible when?"
- If they have a valid point, acknowledge it, apologize and make amends if possible. Addressing your own faults openly will make it easier to draw the line when it is their perception or interpretation that seems to be the problem.
It may be a painful process, but being clear about boundaries helps create healthy and respectful relationships. Other people's feelings count. But they don't have the right to control you with those feelings. As long as you are in control, it is their problem, not yours. Even if the other party doesn't change, at least you'll be more at peace - and more in control.
If you take guilt trips, you are choosing to go along for the ride.
Sukhwindar
Credit: Dr. Val Farmer, a practicing psychologist. His Practice, known as the Psychological Associates of the Black Hills, is located in Rapid City, South Dakota.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Cadets Prayer at the JSW (1949)
Dear All,
Given below is the Cadets Prayer, Mr Harbhajan Singh , and Others had to read every day when at the JSW (now the NDA) in Jan 1949 as cadets. The Prayer was printed on a small card which could be kept in the breast pocket.
The contents of the prayer are worthy of practice by everyone but in particular by the officer corps of the three Services. So I am sending it as a reminder for everyone.
Best wishes, Harbhajan Singh
(Lt Gen Harbhajan Singh, Former SO-in-C, 1st JSW Course)
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Can we be somewhere close to it !
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CADETS PRAYER
O God, our father, Thou searcher of men’s heart, help us to draw nearer to Thee in sincerity and truth. May our religion be filled with gladness and may our worship of Thee be natural.
Strengthen and increase our admiration for honest dealing and clean thinking, and suffer not our hatred of hypocrisy and pretence ever to diminish. Encourage us to endeavour to live above the common level of life. Wake us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong, and never to be content with a half truth when the whole can be one.
Endow us with courage that is born out of loyalty to all that is noble and worthy, that scorns compromise with vice and injustice, and knows no fear when truth and right are in jeopardy. Guard us against flippancy and irreverence in sacred things of life. Grant us new ties of friendship and new opportunities of service. Kindle our hearts with fellowship with those of cheerful countenance and soften our hearts with sympathy for those who sorrow and suffer.
May we find genuine pleasure in clean and wholesome mirth and feel inherent disgust for all coarse minded humour. Help us in our work and in our play to keep ourselves physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight, that we may better maintain the honour of the service, untarnished and unsullied, and acquit ourselves like men in our effort to realize the ideals of our Armed Forces, in doing our duty to Thee and our country. All of which we ask in the name of the Great Friend and Master of men.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Given below is the Cadets Prayer, Mr Harbhajan Singh , and Others had to read every day when at the JSW (now the NDA) in Jan 1949 as cadets. The Prayer was printed on a small card which could be kept in the breast pocket.
The contents of the prayer are worthy of practice by everyone but in particular by the officer corps of the three Services. So I am sending it as a reminder for everyone.
Best wishes, Harbhajan Singh
(Lt Gen Harbhajan Singh, Former SO-in-C, 1st JSW Course)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Can we be somewhere close to it !
------------------------------------------------------------------
CADETS PRAYER
O God, our father, Thou searcher of men’s heart, help us to draw nearer to Thee in sincerity and truth. May our religion be filled with gladness and may our worship of Thee be natural.
Strengthen and increase our admiration for honest dealing and clean thinking, and suffer not our hatred of hypocrisy and pretence ever to diminish. Encourage us to endeavour to live above the common level of life. Wake us to choose the harder right instead of the easier wrong, and never to be content with a half truth when the whole can be one.
Endow us with courage that is born out of loyalty to all that is noble and worthy, that scorns compromise with vice and injustice, and knows no fear when truth and right are in jeopardy. Guard us against flippancy and irreverence in sacred things of life. Grant us new ties of friendship and new opportunities of service. Kindle our hearts with fellowship with those of cheerful countenance and soften our hearts with sympathy for those who sorrow and suffer.
May we find genuine pleasure in clean and wholesome mirth and feel inherent disgust for all coarse minded humour. Help us in our work and in our play to keep ourselves physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight, that we may better maintain the honour of the service, untarnished and unsullied, and acquit ourselves like men in our effort to realize the ideals of our Armed Forces, in doing our duty to Thee and our country. All of which we ask in the name of the Great Friend and Master of men.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Friday, December 4, 2009
Ideas on 'Self-Governance' and 'Better Community Living'
(This Blog was started as a pilot effort for Sector 33, Noida, in Jun 2009. It has now been extended to all Sectors of Noida on governance and social issues. Its Objective is to develop an Informed Citizens Forum for providing actionable inputs to Noida -- to be a neutral and valuable ground feedback platform regulated by intellectual citizenry).
Ideas can change minds, can they transform a Sector, or Society? We spend days discussing the issues affecting Us, in the privacy of our homes, during morning walks, laughter clubs, in our minds but never come 'openly' in a rational manner. This Blog is the place to exchange such Ideas.
Ideas put in writing become substantive and is always a considered approach; different from a 'gossip junta'. An Internet Conclave of fresh minds of our City / Sectors aims to discuss the 'Next Big Effort' that will shape the City / Sectors better. Come join the debate, what you say can steer the direction.
This would be in addition to the blown vocal chords in the GBMs.
Once we collect and evaluate Your Ideas, we will pass them to the Sector 33 MC , Noida Admin (Dy Secy RWAs) , or Federation of Noida Residents Welfare Association (FONRWA) for their consideration and action.
Are You ready to make the difference? If so, let Us debate on this Blog, or have Your inputs on svipja@gmail.com
Brigadier (Retired) Sukhwindar Singh
Ideas can change minds, can they transform a Sector, or Society? We spend days discussing the issues affecting Us, in the privacy of our homes, during morning walks, laughter clubs, in our minds but never come 'openly' in a rational manner. This Blog is the place to exchange such Ideas.
Ideas put in writing become substantive and is always a considered approach; different from a 'gossip junta'. An Internet Conclave of fresh minds of our City / Sectors aims to discuss the 'Next Big Effort' that will shape the City / Sectors better. Come join the debate, what you say can steer the direction.
This would be in addition to the blown vocal chords in the GBMs.
Once we collect and evaluate Your Ideas, we will pass them to the Sector 33 MC , Noida Admin (Dy Secy RWAs) , or Federation of Noida Residents Welfare Association (FONRWA) for their consideration and action.
Are You ready to make the difference? If so, let Us debate on this Blog, or have Your inputs on svipja@gmail.com
Brigadier (Retired) Sukhwindar Singh
93501 71232
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